Tuesday, July 02, 2013
Taking a Leak
I distract myself by taking a leak over a morbid reality. It hisses and reeks of urea, but isn't completely extinguished. The stench keeps me out of harm's way, I tell myself. I have a roof over my head and a loaf of bread to put on the table. I wake up early then go to sleep earlier. In between, I fill my time with physical chores to burn the bland calories I swallow to stay alive. I'm learning a new language and brushing up on an old one. I untether my mind to roam in an imaginary world with two moons which have become more real than the here and now. I drown myself in fiction about love and despair. Human nature eludes me, so I work hard to be normal.
My back is stiff with the burden of conscience. Had those I care about chose to leave it all behind and go somewhere else to start anew, I wouldn't have to keep my mouth shut. It pains me that I can't write what I long to put into words. The biggest insult is to be looked upon as a neutral, for no one out there is so twisted as to imagine that I could be one of them Arab elitist, leftist, liberal mother-fuckers who mushroom in the sordid cesspits of tyranny. As for neutrals, in this day and age, they are but neutered little shits, miserable sons of bitches, fuckheads, partners in crime against humanity.
I'm a man of two worlds, caught and torn between duty and dream, missing the line inscribed by Occam's razor and... waiting.