Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Taking a Leak


Dear Diary

I distract myself by taking a leak over a morbid reality. It hisses and reeks of urea, but isn't completely extinguished. The stench keeps me out of harm's way, I tell myself. I have a roof over my head and a loaf of bread to put on the table. I wake up early then go to sleep earlier. In between, I fill my time with physical chores to burn the bland calories I swallow to stay alive. I'm learning a new language and brushing up on an old one. I untether my mind to roam in an imaginary world with two moons which have become more real than the here and now. I drown myself in fiction about love and despair. Human nature eludes me, so I work hard to be normal.

My back is stiff with the burden of conscience. Had those I care about chose to leave it all behind and go somewhere else to start anew, I wouldn't have to keep my mouth shut. It pains me that I can't write what I long to put into words. The biggest insult is to be looked upon as a neutral, for no one out there is so twisted as to imagine that I could be one of them Arab elitist, leftist, liberal mother-fuckers who mushroom in the sordid cesspits of tyranny. As for neutrals, in this day and age, they are but neutered little shits, miserable sons of bitches, fuckheads, partners in crime against humanity.

I'm a man of two worlds, caught and torn between duty and dream, missing the line inscribed by Occam's razor and... waiting.

7 comments:

Isobel Adams said...

I don't think neutrality actually exists. No one can ever be neutral and I think that's why it's so offensive when someone claims that they are. Especially in a situation where claiming you're neutral clearly indicates that you don't give a shit. Anyone who accuses you of being neutral has no idea who you are. My thoughts are with you and your fellow countrymen and women and children... Always.

Gabriela said...

Just as Isobel, I think there are no neutral people at all. One may not want to take sides, but at the bottom of their hearts, everybody feels like looking some way or the other.

abufares tartoussi said...

@Isobel and Gabriela
I agree. No one is neutral. There are those who are afraid to voice their opinions for fear of retaliation. They are victims of circumstances. Obviously not everyone can or should be a hero.
As for those who claim neutrality for other reasons, it is my opinion that they mainly do it to save face and keep afloat. Their "material" well being is deeply entwined with the prevalence and continuous survival of the oppressor. Yet, they are weary of the table being turned, in which case they want to insure that they don't lose it all.
I called them "neutered little shits, miserable sons of bitches, fuckheads, partners in crime against humanity." I think I was too soft on them. It's mainly due to my benevolent and mild mannered nature.

KJ said...

People could be "neutral" to protect others from harm. There should be another term for those who are "neutral" to protect their wealth. You describing them being shits, sons of bitches, etc, gives them an element humanity they neither deserve nor have earned.

abufares tartoussi said...

@KJ
But people who are neutral to protect others from harm are only pretending that they are. They are much more decent than those who pretend to be WITH the majority of those around them so that they could fit in comfortably, kind of blend in really.
I can't really blame them. Sometimes I'm forced to feign neutrality to avoid harm for myself and for those around me.
But consider the vocal "neutrals", say on Social Media. What a bunch of hemorrhoids!!!
Thank you for dropping by dude. I hope to see you again one day soon when neutrals and crabs are things of the past ;-)

Anonymous said...

والله فكرتك مطنش يا صديقي، بس كان لازم إدرك أن الإنسان الأصيل يبقى أصيل مهما مر عليه. الله يحميك إنت و أحبابك و يرجع الأمان و العدالة و الطمأنينة لبلدنا و شعبنا. صديق قديم

abufares tartoussi said...

صديقي القديم@
لا يمكن لأي إنسان يحمل هم نفسه وأولاده ومجتمعه ووطنه أن يطنسش
أتصور أن البعض منا يحاول خلق واقع رديف لكي يستطيع العيش بالحد الأدنى ليس إلا
أشاركك المنى بغد مشرق جميل مليءبالعدالة والمساواة والحرية