Taking a Leak

-

Dear Diary

I distract myself by taking a leak over a morbid reality. It hisses and reeks of urea, but isn't completely extinguished. The stench keeps me out of harm's way, I tell myself. I have a roof over my head and a loaf of bread to put on the table. I wake up early then go to sleep earlier. In between, I fill my time with physical chores to burn the bland calories I swallow to stay alive. I'm learning a new language and brushing up on an old one. I untether my mind to roam in an imaginary world with two moons which have become more real than the here and now. I drown myself in fiction about love and despair. Human nature eludes me, so I work hard to be normal.

My back is stiff with the burden of conscience. Had those I care about chose to leave it all behind and go somewhere else to start anew, I wouldn't have to keep my mouth shut. It pains me that I can't write what I long to put into words. The biggest insult is to be looked upon as a neutral, for no one out there is so twisted as to imagine that I could be one of them Arab elitist, leftist, liberal mother-fuckers who mushroom in the sordid cesspits of tyranny. As for neutrals, in this day and age, they are but neutered little shits, miserable sons of bitches, fuckheads, partners in crime against humanity.

I'm a man of two worlds, caught and torn between duty and dream, missing the line inscribed by Occam's razor and... waiting.

Comments

Unknown said…
I don't think neutrality actually exists. No one can ever be neutral and I think that's why it's so offensive when someone claims that they are. Especially in a situation where claiming you're neutral clearly indicates that you don't give a shit. Anyone who accuses you of being neutral has no idea who you are. My thoughts are with you and your fellow countrymen and women and children... Always.
7:46 AM
Gabriela said…
Just as Isobel, I think there are no neutral people at all. One may not want to take sides, but at the bottom of their hearts, everybody feels like looking some way or the other.
4:51 PM
Abufares said…
@Isobel and Gabriela
I agree. No one is neutral. There are those who are afraid to voice their opinions for fear of retaliation. They are victims of circumstances. Obviously not everyone can or should be a hero.
As for those who claim neutrality for other reasons, it is my opinion that they mainly do it to save face and keep afloat. Their "material" well being is deeply entwined with the prevalence and continuous survival of the oppressor. Yet, they are weary of the table being turned, in which case they want to insure that they don't lose it all.
I called them "neutered little shits, miserable sons of bitches, fuckheads, partners in crime against humanity." I think I was too soft on them. It's mainly due to my benevolent and mild mannered nature.
3:51 AM
KJ said…
People could be "neutral" to protect others from harm. There should be another term for those who are "neutral" to protect their wealth. You describing them being shits, sons of bitches, etc, gives them an element humanity they neither deserve nor have earned.
8:34 AM
Abufares said…
@KJ
But people who are neutral to protect others from harm are only pretending that they are. They are much more decent than those who pretend to be WITH the majority of those around them so that they could fit in comfortably, kind of blend in really.
I can't really blame them. Sometimes I'm forced to feign neutrality to avoid harm for myself and for those around me.
But consider the vocal "neutrals", say on Social Media. What a bunch of hemorrhoids!!!
Thank you for dropping by dude. I hope to see you again one day soon when neutrals and crabs are things of the past ;-)
1:13 PM
Anonymous said…
والله فكرتك مطنش يا صديقي، بس كان لازم إدرك أن الإنسان الأصيل يبقى أصيل مهما مر عليه. الله يحميك إنت و أحبابك و يرجع الأمان و العدالة و الطمأنينة لبلدنا و شعبنا. صديق قديم
3:17 PM
Abufares said…
صديقي القديم@
لا يمكن لأي إنسان يحمل هم نفسه وأولاده ومجتمعه ووطنه أن يطنسش
أتصور أن البعض منا يحاول خلق واقع رديف لكي يستطيع العيش بالحد الأدنى ليس إلا
أشاركك المنى بغد مشرق جميل مليءبالعدالة والمساواة والحرية
6:51 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

For the Love of Shanklish

-
Image
In writing about the joy extraordinaire of my tummy, Shanklish , I first looked where any modern-day researcher starts off, the Internet. I was mildly surprised when I found out that a few good Samaritans had attempted to explain what Shanklish is and how it is prepared. However, and to my extreme delight, none of them had done it completely right. Can you believe that! Out of the millions of people on the web, I’ll be the first to scientifically and emotionally tell the rest of the world about the most scrumptious ball of cheese in existence on the planet. Even Wikepedia had already stated that the top delectable variety is found in the area of Tartous . That, at least, should get my Damascene friends off my case. But wait, I’m coming back at them in a little while. There's no point in describing to the uninitiated the taste of Shanklish. It's unlike anything else you've ever eaten in your life. It's simply much tastier yet defies description. From a geohistorical
Read more

Ramadan Karim

-
Image
It will be extremely difficult for those who judge a book by its cover to understand my relationship with Ramadan. For interested readers they can always find more about "Ramadan according to a tartoussi" here and specifically here . I have already posted 14 times about it so obviously it must carry certain significance to me. Perhaps most interesting in our unique relationship is that first, I feel the passage of time with the advent of this synodic (lunar) month and second, I have in a way succeeded, on the personal level, to humanize the mystic aura of the experience. My intention is to write recipes and food related posts on my blog for the next 30 days or so. I might, of course, change my mind at any time but it would be a good idea to sit back, enjoy and talk about food. While getting in the mood allow me please to wish each and everyone of you a Ramadan Karim. You know how Christmas is Merry and Easter is Happy! Well Ramadan is Generous (Karim). I hope we work
Read more

Clitoris Delight

-
Image
I am very fortunate to have caring friends who think of me when they prepare or lay hands on hard-to-find exotic delicacies. From Saeen , Abu Issa reserves a gallon of home-produced Arak especially for me. From the mountains of the Kadmous region, my friend Abu Nour brings me a 2K bag of mature delicious Shanklish . All the way from Australia , Abu Abdo Al Australi sent me a few years back some of the hottest Chile seeds on the planet. I planted them in my garden in Bmalke and they thrived for a couple of years. I was too negligent to amass my own reserve of seeds to keep the bounty going. When he learned about my failing, he thought along the line that it is better to teach a poor man how to cast a line instead of giving him a fish so he dispatched a video tape of his beautiful garden in Melbourne and instructions on how to prepare the best home-made hot pepper paste from down-under. I bought 8 kilos of green and red peppers then and transformed our kitchen into a small Tabasco
Read more