I've written under the influence before. Here I am though, in this moment in time and in this particular place, waiting for the inevitable. Throughout my life, the journey itself meant more to me than the final destination. On the many twisting roads I followed, the curves, the climbs and the unforeseen stops had marked my passage rather than a Welcome to Utopia sign posted at the entrance of a dead-end street. Sure I remember the cocktail parties and the insidious talks and the obligatory dance every now and then and the banter and laughter and unfinished drinks. The lonely drive back, however, somehow proved more real, more existential, after all these years.
One night when I was young and green, loaded with blood in my alcohol stream someone popped a question. We were playing Truth or Dare and I chose the Truth. There wasn’t a thing in the world I would’ve not done if they dared me so I figured what’s the point! Let them ask, perhaps I can learn a thing or two about myself. “What is your dream?” This is a moment any 22 year old fool would treasure. It was my free ticket to get laid that evening. All I needed was to draw from a vast repertoire of bullshit a young self-proclaimed intellectual possessed and I would end up in the sack with somebody.
“I want to fuck the universe.” I downed the shot of whatever I was drinking and envisioned myself almost 30 years later, now, at this moment, sitting with my friend Johnny, just the two of us, having one hell of a time. His name is Walker, Johnny Walker by the way, and he’s Black my friend.
Well the universe proved to be too lousy a lover and too formidable an adversary. Neither of us remember much of our flirting affair. One thing, however, just one thing, brought me and continues to bring me unbound satisfaction. I never gave up, I never changed. I have less hair on my head to be certain but she too, the universe that is, has grown older with a fat ass. I found myself a small moon and she's much prettier. Screw you Universe, you lost.
I fancy the inevitable, the moment of ultimate truth, and I snicker. I’m past the halfway mark and I don’t give a fuck. After all I’ve seen and learned it could only get better. Cheers!