Humanoid Hemorrhoids
If you wanna soar with the eagles don't fuck with the chicken (a Wise Dude)
I had a week to forget and I will. Over its course I had suffered from mild and acute pains in the butt. I had to talk to, and even smile at, some people whom, under normal circumstances, I would totally ignore. I have also turned a blind eye toward lost souls hiding behind bitter words, too Gallus gallus domesticus to be fucked by me.
My perception of freedom, my own, has changed drastically the day I became a father. I constantly remind myself that I have to accommodate, accept and tolerate donkeys with suits and ties for instance. Yet, I will never cross the line to hypocrisy and my patience has been tested to the limit.
Only yesterday a dear friend wrote to me: "This is a dirty, dirty business..." In real life and online it's becoming increasingly true. However, we have to accept that evolution is far from perfect and that imbeciles are an unavoidable but necessary fact of life. We have to thank them for if it were not for them we could've never shined in the first place.
I want my kids to grow up and spread their wings on their own even if it means that I'll lose some precious time. It's like being young again in that stage in life, without all the sex. I can practically do whatever I want to if I remember what it was. Most importantly there will be no stopping grumpy old me when I run into a humanoid hemorrhoid, again: "Rub some Preparation H on your ugly face and get out of here you chicken shit." Then to Mildred*, as tender and soft as my wrinkled skin looks and feels: "Bring me my goddamn dentures and the prunes... Then sit in my lap you sexy old hag!"
*Who's Mildred?
I had a week to forget and I will. Over its course I had suffered from mild and acute pains in the butt. I had to talk to, and even smile at, some people whom, under normal circumstances, I would totally ignore. I have also turned a blind eye toward lost souls hiding behind bitter words, too Gallus gallus domesticus to be fucked by me.
Only yesterday a dear friend wrote to me: "This is a dirty, dirty business..." In real life and online it's becoming increasingly true. However, we have to accept that evolution is far from perfect and that imbeciles are an unavoidable but necessary fact of life. We have to thank them for if it were not for them we could've never shined in the first place.
I want my kids to grow up and spread their wings on their own even if it means that I'll lose some precious time. It's like being young again in that stage in life, without all the sex. I can practically do whatever I want to if I remember what it was. Most importantly there will be no stopping grumpy old me when I run into a humanoid hemorrhoid, again: "Rub some Preparation H on your ugly face and get out of here you chicken shit." Then to Mildred*, as tender and soft as my wrinkled skin looks and feels: "Bring me my goddamn dentures and the prunes... Then sit in my lap you sexy old hag!"
*Who's Mildred?
Comments
Your post is just up my alley!!
:-)
Saludos.
Don't you hate that life is tarnished with this crap?
I've already snapped out of it though. I was waiting for Mildred :-)
In case my words go unheeded the girl with the red top will come to my rescue.
Scratching, like yawning, is contagious. Isn't it?
So glad to see you here Gabriela :-)
You know how my imagination wanders every chance it gets.
I closed my eyes and transported my butt (after scratching it) forward in time. I was 80 with a gorgeous septuagenarian babe standing by my side. I loved her, in my own grumpy way.
So I shouted out what might later become a classic line in modern fiction: "Mildred! Bring me my goddamn dentures and the prunes... Then sit in my lap you sexy old hag!"
She sat her fat ass on me and yelled back; "Who the fuck is Mildred you old fart?"*
*Some critics claim that the old hag's reply was perhaps the most poignant quote of the 21st century.
Welcome to my crazy little world. I'm so happy you found something of interest here and look forward reading your comments always.
Thank you for dropping by and for letting me know about it.
I can tell from your comment that you're an HH veteran sufferer :-)
As for being a grumpy old man / old fart, according to those around me, I do posses all the necessary requirements to become one when my time comes. I'm looking forward driving Mildred up the wall if she doesn't kill me first with her bickering and nagging.
I thought you might like “this” and “this”
You know how a laptop starts beeping when its battery needs to be recharged?
Well when I get to 10% of my power to resist and/or ignore bullshitters I rant.
So you can expect me to write something meaningless like this occasionally.
You have a keen eye/ear/mind for simple beauty.
Thank you for these links. Wonderful!
You made my day with that clip :-) thanks for taking the time. It did recharge my batteries and gave me a good laugh.
As for sea urchin (Toutia as we call it) we had plenty of it in the past when our sea was still unpolluted and clean. I used to dive for it (3 to 4m) pick the good ones and throw them on board the felluca. Then I'd carve them with a knife and eat them raw with a twist of lemon. uuuuuummmmmm, incredibly delicious. I forgot whether it was the male of the species or the female that was edible... but come to think of it now, they did taste female to me, LMAO!!!
YEEESSSS!!!
I'm right.
It was the female sea urchin that we ATE :-)
As a matter of fact the edible part is called the roe, which in essence are the ovaries.
I told you so :-)
I'd rather believe they bumped into too many asteroids on their way down than to think their genetic pool is getting bigger
Au contraire!
Imbeciles are manifestations of the Blind Watch Maker Theory. Like cockroaches and flies, imbeciles cannot be explained through creationism. What kind of a munificent God would contemplate creating them on purpose?
But then again, nothing in my opinion manifests the taste of the sea like the roe of a Sea Urchin dissolving on my taste buds.
luv u
w.b. yeats
Nice to see you here. It's unfortunate but we do have to step in crap sometimes along the way.
I'm glad you liked Mildred, lollll. She's adorable when she's sober :-)
Abu Abdo
Wow!!! Brilliant.
I miss you man :-)