Earlier this Ramadan I promised myself and my Habibati Readers to stick to recipes till the end of the lunar month. Until yesterday I was well on my track to keeping my word. Oh OK, I sneaked in “When I Need You” last week but it was a spur of the moment thing. I just felt like dancing that's all. If you find it in yourselves to forgive me keep reading. Otherwise, you might as well stop and doodle your noodle or air your orchid instead. This post, for all practical purposes, was supposed to be a soup double header. I intended to describe and explain the recipes for two of my favorite bowls, Lentil and Red Soups. However, extraordinary circumstances call for extraordinary measures. After conferring with Abu Kareem we decided that I'd better address the pressing matter of masturbation in Syria first.
Apparently our Syrian youth is obsessed with playing with itself. If we are to believe what an authority on the matter wrote a few days ago on his Arabic blog (boy are we lucky that the new enlightened herd is sticking to Arabic) jerking off has reached unprecedented levels in the country. Boys are unable to concentrate on their studies and are looking very pale before prematurely ejaculating and losing consciousness in schools. Their balls are blue and sore as hell and when they sneeze or cough they are allegedly pissing in their pants. They are falling on their backs after bleeding to death from their weenies. Those who don't die on the spot and once they get married are preferring to take matters in their own hands instead of in between their partners' legs. And, yes brothers and sisters, girls, Lord Have Mercy on us all, are doing this despicable, blinding and atrocious act secretly without the written consent of their male pimp, sorry chimp. They, someone hold me please before I pass out, are losing their virginity to their fingers out of wedlock.
Local doctors are at a total loss. They have classified the masturbation frenzy as epidemic, endemic and pandemic (all at once). According to one informed source who has confided in me after recently returning from a trip to Syria (the new enlightened herd very much likes using this phrase or something similar) the bathroom is the most likely crime scene for these psychotically sick and abnormal boys and girls. While unsuspecting parents are watching Bab El Hara, the boys are spanking their monkeys and the girls are beating their beavers.
Now that you have a better idea about some of the content of the enlightened herd's agenda why don't you join me in promoting a Week of Blogging Against...
Let's all use the comment section to reach a consensus. We, the bad guys and gals (the Ze3ran) of the Syrian Blogsphere and our regular guests need to initiate our own Week Against Something. All ideas are welcome and the stupider the better. This is activism at its best. How about a few days of lobbying before we start our valiant attempt at draining this septic pool of stink and shit. Let's move ahead, forge our destiny and join forces together in beating our meats or around the bushes to reach an unprecedented Syrian Orgasm against absurdity, hypocrisy and sanctimony. I leave it literally in your hands ya Mala3een.