-I can’t believe it… you’re the last person I’d expected to see here. How are you?
-Long time no see, where have you been, what have you been up to, how come no one gets to see you anymore?
-You’ve lost some weight, what else? Your hair is thinner. Still wearing jeans, ha. Are you still doing the same old thing out of your office?
Is it any good? Are you making any money in that line of work? You know what I think? It’s a total waste of time. If you’re not into business then you’re probably doing nothing at all.
Just the same, never change do you? A man of principle who looks down on money. Tell me, do you still believe that shit? That intellectual pursuits are more worthwhile than making money. Do you still think you’re better than the rest?
-Do you have any idea how much money I make? Do you truly and seriously still think that you’re smarter than me? Don’t you find it hard to believe that I change my brand-new car every year? How do you feel about that?
You know what’s your problem? I’ll tell you. You started with the assumption that since you read lots of books and know your way about the sciences and the arts you’re better than the rest of us.
-But you’re not better than me, not even close. I’m sure I make more money in a month than you make in a year, even two. You know why? Do you?
-Because I’m smarter than you that’s why. You're not flexible. I know more about real life. About people. I’m well connected. I have dinners with ministers. I sleep with the most beautiful women around. You might call them whores because you can’t afford offering them a drink, but you’ll lust after them all the same.
-You know what’s your problem? You probably don’t. You never dared take any risks. You had some money; you put it in a bank and felt good about collecting the lousy interest. You would not realize a good opportunity even if it hits you in the face. You don't take the initiative. You don't grab the occasion. Remember that time when I told you to buy a share in a cargo ship, remember? You told me that you don’t want to deal with this type of people. Well guess what, I have invested the money I made from that commission you acted so lofty about. The one you refused to even consider for providing a simple basic service for... Why bother! I’m not going to even talk about your shitty attitude back then. I invested that money and bought a 10% share in a ship. You’d die of a hard attack if you knew how much money I’m making.
-Life my friend is a long corridor with doors on both sides. You have to know how to open these doors. Which doors to close because they aren’t worth shit. Which doors to keep open because there’s good money behind. You have to learn which hand to kiss, which ass to lick. Yeah, you heard right. I don’t mind that I kissed many hands and licked a few asses. Look at me, I mean it, look at me. People are kissing my hand and licking my ass today. You feel betrayed? Fooled? Cheated? You have to live with it. I’m a more successful person than you'll ever be. By far more successful.
-I feel sorry for you. You are still the same man I knew twenty years ago when life was simple and boring. You probably still drink Arak and claim to enjoy it. I drink Green Label man. Do you know what Green Label is? It's more expensive than Black Label.
-I smoke Romeo & Juliette and Coheba. And you know what, I don’t buy them anymore. People buy them for me. I smoke 3 cigars a day, minimum. I drink 2 liters of Green Label a week, minimum. I have a Mercedes outside, what do you have?
-That’s sweet success my friend. Only if you listened to me. I’m a good man and I can help you even now. It’s easy for a person like me to take a person like you to the top. You just need to have the will to do it. Do you? Tell me, do you?
-I really feel sorry for you. A man of principle! Why don’t you call yourself a man in love with poverty? Why do you kid yourself? You’re not that smart after all. You’re not that gifted. God cheated you. You misled yourself with all that fucking reading. What was the name of that author you once told me so much about? The one, you said, knows so much about the true nature of being. What bullshit and crap. And, I used to envy you back then, thinking how smart you are. We’ve sure traded places. I bet that your heart is filled with jealousy even if you’re too proud to admit it.
-You’re not offended are you? We are friends after all. You can come by my office anytime. You know that I own the whole building. I’ll offer you Blue Label. That’s what I treat my visitors with, not coffee or tea but Whiskey. One moment let me answer this Khara (shithead) on the mobile.
-Ahla Habibi, Ahla M'almi. Of course! Anytime. I’m at your service. We can meet at the Four Seasons on Thursday. I’m staying there. We can have dinner together. Sure bring them along. 9 O’clock, at the Four Seasons bar. I will be honored.
-Do you know who this Akhou Sharmouta is? He’s one of the biggest traders of steel in the country. We’ve made a few millions together. Did you see my chalet? People are driving by just to take a look at it. I’ve brought this Lebanese architect guy, what’s his name, the one who appears in magazines. He designed it for me. Marble from the outside. What? Where are you going?
-You walked here all the way from your home? Come on sit down, it’s too early. Do you want my chauffeur to take you in my car?
-As you wish, call me will you?

(..... = Kiss Ikht Hal Zaman Yalli Khalla el-Manayek Terkab Flayek = The vagina of the sister of these times for letting the dickheads ride Felukas (wooden boats )


Yazan said…
This is the first post of yours that I couldnt read through half of it, I'm not sure how you could've listened to all of it!
Abufares said…
Come on Yazan you know I'm not that benign.
He never said it as I depicted it. But this is what he meant all along.
And, by the way, I changed the ending just to make you feel better.
Yazan said…
Still, that's a lot of talking. You never fail to prove how much of a patient man you are.

And yes, this ending is more like it :).
Dubai Jazz said…
I agree with Yaza, no matter how mitigated the original version of the conversation was; you've been very patient with this A.H. ya Abu Fares. A very good virtue by the way. I meet such people sometimes. And I unknowingly befriended one of them once. Believe me, (i know your larger and better life experience would let you know) these people are afflicted with things that usually deprive them from happiness. They can stuff their labels, flashy cars and the whores they bang up their asses, I am happy to be what I am right now!
KJ said…

That's soooooooo hilarious! HAHHAHA!!!!

Oh man!


Tayyeb tayyeb, ok hot shots, let's see what you can do without the money and the ministers and the women and the connections.

What CAN you do!? Self-proclaimed know-it-all-about-life?


Cuz none of you are intelligent enough to realize that you do NOTHING but SIMPLY EXIST when this very man Abu Fares right here LIVES!

Look on the bright side man - people like these, while portray a bad image of the current world - make you feel good about yourself and that you made the right choices along the path.
Dubai Jazz said…
No wonder whatever comes out of his mouth smells foul; he’s spent his life kissing/licking asses.
Abufares said…
@Dubai Jazz
This conversation, well this post, is intended to let the assholes speak their minds. In other words, I wanted to present their line of thought, the logic behind their behavior.
I didn't want the hero (me) to interject. Let the guy speak his mind. We have all known this type of character. While most readers (by virtue of being able to read) will sympathize with the silent hero of this post there are many out there who really think very highly of the Ass Hole and consider that he had achieved something in his eventful life. Since these people don't write (well can't write is a better word), I chose to speak on their behalf.
Abufares said…
Lak Tislam Ya KJ.
Of course, as I've already indicated to DJ, most readers will take my side. But remember this guy would never become a blogger and accordingly, readers from the four corners of the globe are deprived of his enlightening philosophy in life.
He should be heard, and that's exactly what he had to say:-)
Yazan said…
Shu abu fares, dawakhtna.. estaqqer 3ala msabbeh!! ;)
Dubai Jazz said…
Abu Fares, the wonderful guy from Tartous is giving voice to the voiceless (or the blogless Ahs!)

Integrity and freedom of speech couldn’t get any better!
Haifaa said…
I smoke 3 cigars a day, minimum. I drink 2 liters of Green Label a week, minimum.

This dude is just asking for lung disease.
Abufares said…
You're right. I thought the earlier one was better, however, I thought this post would be my only chance to publish this very wise and profound Tartoussi Saying. It's poetry in motion and it perfectly fits the occasion:

Kiss Ikht Hal Zaman Yalli Khalla Al Manayek Terkab Flayek

Wa Khalla Al Abadayat Yerja3ou Min Arwad La Tartous Bin Al Khara Sba7a
Abufares said…
Me too, I can't believe how good I am :-)

@ Az3ar's Fan
What a terrible waste for the rest of humanity if this Dickhead dies of lung cancer :-)
Anonymous said…
Abufares, everywhere you meet such people, I make custom fishing rods form bamboo, expensive rods , sometimes some rich and silly people come to buy one of my rods and i refuse to sell them, when they ask me why, I tell them, YOUR TIME HAS NOT COME YET TO USE SUCH EQUIPMENT, IT IS NOT YOUR MONY THAT WILL ABLE YOU TO BUY MY ROD, PERHAPS THEIR TIME WILL NEVER COME,


Abu fares when you you have some time listen to the narretion of THE EPIC OF GELGAMIS, it is in the you-tube, it is is not different from your comment
ate logo
Abufares said…
Hello lê
You reminded me of a guy I had to go hunting with once or twice.
He fits your and my description perfectly. He dressed like a joker (as if he were going on an African Safari to hunt Rhinoceros rather than quails a half an hour drive from Tartous). He had a pointer dog who did it all except talk he assured us. \"His father (the dog\'s) was a descendent of a Hungarian Vesla Champion... His mother (the dog\'s) was the daughter of a German Short haired European Open field Title Holder\", he kept bragging during the short yet painful ride.
His shotgun was custom handmade by Antonio Zoli. There was less than a dozen remaining over the world. His ELEY cartridges were so damn good, their pellets flew at an initial muzzle velocity of over 1,400 fps, ...etc.
We reached the hunting grounds. His stupid dog, probably used to walking on Persian rugs and parque floors got tired (SANBAL)and his feet (ARRA3O= started bleeding) in an hour or so. The asshole shot over 50 cartridges on anything that moved without ever actually killing anything. He ended up carrying his spoiled dog back to the car, while the rest of us with mutts of disreputable pedigree, Syrian M3amel AlDifa3 shells and cheap Russian shotguns bagged 20 to 30 birds each.
Twenty five years later, my friends and I still laugh hysterically when we remember Apollo (that was the dog\'s name) and his owner. By the way, we all seem to have forgotten the guy\'s name. The dog we remember because we felt sorry for such a fine specimen ending up with this asshole.
Maysaloon said…
Abu Fares,
Have a look, I put on a bit more on that post you liked. Look forward to discussing with you ya basha
annie said…
You mean you KNOW someone like that ?
The guy is incredible ! Do you HAVE to see him ? What a loss of time ! I could not believe it, could not believe there are people like that.
Please, unless you have to know that character, drop him NOW
annie said…
Il n'arrive pas au talon de ta chaussure.
Abufares said…
My Dear Annie
Apparently this post portrayed me as a very peaceful man. In a way I am but not with this type of person.
I do not need these people at all, in fact they need me. This conversation never took place the way I narrated it. I saw this old high school classmate of mine who has become a full pledged asshole. He was small in stature then (not in the physical sense) and he remains so. He will be small for the rest of his life no matter how much money he'll make. I'm not implying that his smallness is due to social or economic classification. His smallness is a trait in his personality. However, we have to admit that the changing face of Syria has given rise to such pimples and warts.
Rest assured dear friend that I will never need him or anybody similar in my life,
Et enfin, je vous remercie pour votre deuxième commentaire.
Anonymous said…
22 years have passed and is good to know you still have your priorities straight! Still fighting the bureaucracy.

w.b. yeats
Abufares said…
Dearest W.b. Yeats
I'm so happy you dropped by now that I know who you are.
I'll never change and you of all people should know that.
Sorry for not writing in a while, I was swept away by the insignificant flash flood of day to day existence. You are still "always" on my mind:-)

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