Warning: The following article might prove offensive to some people. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the writer. However, it is based on factual, yet disturbing, visitors’ statistics. What you are going to read below is a true story. Parental discretion is therefore advised.
One of the most popular posts during my eight month tenure at the helm of this blog has been “Fairuz in Tartous”. It was also the most controversial and received the highest number of comments. It’s a little disheartening for me since I deem that I’ve written better ones. I keep getting direct hits on my site counter pointing to that post. For a while I figured to myself that Madame Fairuz is very popular and it’s only natural that many web surfers are interested in reading whatever is written about her.
Over the months, however, a very distinctive pattern started emerging. A high percentage of these hits were coming from one particular Arab country. A country considered “moderate” by the present US administration. Ummm, I thought, the Arab liberals must be really crazy about Fairuz. But why?
Not merely why are they interested in the Lebanese Ambassadress to the Stars, but why more than anybody else? And there was yet another puzzle. Nobody from this arid country ever visits my blog, except to read my post about Fairuz. I was baffled so I went into the gory details. I wanted to know what other posts they’ve been visiting. Only one, “Solar Energy & Haifa Wehbe” showed up in the table. I daresay that 80% of these “broad minded” visitors were interested in Fairuz and 20% in Haifa Wehbe. You’d find that strange, won’t you? I mean come on let’s face it, if I were forced to spend the rest of my life with either of them, the choice would be obvious. I would gag them both during the day anyway. Comes evening, I might remove the duct tape covering Haifa’s mouth (remember her WaWa).
OK, I thought, I could stay one more hour at the office and investigate this very interesting statistical anomaly. I dug deeper in the figures provided by my counter service. Aha, Google referred almost all of these casual surfers. It’s only natural, I reckoned, Google is the most pervasive search engine on the web and our brothers use it as well. Because they are such devoted fans of Fairuz, they searched for her near and far and were eventually directed to my humble blog.
But wait, the vast majority of the searches were in Arabic. That’s bizarre! I post exclusively in English.
Then I found out what has been perplexing me. They were not interested in Fairuz at all. They could as well care less about my blog. They were looking for something entirely different.
In that particular post, I have written, and I quote myself here: “There’s a very appropriate Damascene proverb which certainly applies: (لا وجه حلو ولا طيز ناعمة) La Wajeh Helou Wala Teez Naemeh = No beautiful face, no smooth ass.”
The key words in the Google searches were either Smooth Ass or طيز ناعمة.
Isn’t that amazing!?
Go ahead, give it a try. My blog would show up on top of the search results.
I have a serious potential problem on my hand now. This present stupid post might prove even more popular than the previous one and takes first prize. It has all the keywords, repeated twice.
As a gesture of hospitality, and in order for their search not to go in vein, and so that they wouldn’t come out empty eyed, I’ve attached a picture of the smoothest ass I could find.
The parental discretion on top was just a foolish joke. Sue me, but I couldn’t resist the temptation.